Winding down, winding up

With the holidays finally winding down, my NaNoWriMo novel completed, and the baby becoming mobile (crawling like MAD now), I feel like everything is slotting into place and I can relax a little.

So, I've given myself a few new projects! What's the point of having free time if you're going to whitter it away on TV and playing games on the internet? What do they produce? What do you have to show for them when you're done?

I'm learning how to knit, something that is definitely very unusual for me. While I never disdained knitters, I always looked on it as something your great grandmother would do in HER spare time, and not something a modern woman would do. Thanks to my sister-in-law(ish), I've had that assumption turned around. I'm practicing by making a rather ugly, gappy, but love-filled scarf for the baby. It's a bright, spring chick yellow... and I have more dropped stitches than I care to count at present... but once it's done, it'll be something for him, from me. And I'll keep working until I can make something more complex (out of prettier yarn!) and he will have his own mommy-made mementos.

I'm also working on making him Waldorf toys. While I am very gung-ho Montessori when it comes to learning and the practical aspects of life, I have always, ALWAYS had a wonderful imagination. A bag full of $1 plastic farm animals and a sandbox were my favorite playthings from the warm days of spring until the leaves started falling in the autumn. Flashy, blinking toys weren't necessary, and I could get a lot of joy out of just making up intricate stories about the various animal factions of my plastic creatures and their humped sand-hill homes (think "The Lion King" meets "Days of Our Lives").

So, in that vein, I'm handmaking a few simple toys for the little man, hoping that he can learn the joy of simple toys made from simple materials. And that he, like me, will end up with a lot of love for the outdoors.

I've only just finished making him a little yarn chick, made entirely out of cotton yarn and a little tiny beak of felt. It wasn't a labor-intensive project, but it was the first major crafting project I've undertaken in a long while, so it pleased me to no end to finish it and be able to offer it to him. Imagine my chagrin when he had only a passing interest in it! Perhaps as he gets older, once he's seen a new spring chick peeping away.



I am progressing on his Waldorf soft-body doll. It's made of natural materials (cotton, wool, cotton toweling) and is lovingly (and sometimes frustratedly) hand-stitched and stuffed. I keep reminding myself it will look infinitely better once it's alpaca-wool-innards aren't falling out... and it has hands and hair.



Although my main project right now is poor Jacob's croup. I wish he'd clear up, and soon. There are few things as distressing as the labored breathing and whooping cough of a sick baby.

Here's hoping everyone else is doing as well as we are! And here's doubly hoping Jacob will be even better quite soon.

Things to memorize

We co-sleep, which works out wonderfully for me when the baby needs to nap. It gives the Lupus-wearied mommy a chance to lay down and nap, too.

So a couple days ago, we were settling in for a nap and I was stroking my hand over his head as he dozed, and I suddenly felt like that was a moment to memorize. I wanted to remember how silky his hair was beneath my fingertips, how cool to the touch it was at the top of his head where it's thickest. I wanted to remember the feel of his tiny toes pressing into my lower abdomen, and the way he huffled in his sleep.

I know there's no way to memorize these perfect, precious moments, but sometimes I wish I could take a mental video of the sounds, smells, touch, and emotions in little moments like that, so I could bring them out and enjoy them thirty years from now when he's an adult with a family of his own.

Mobility

We have started the very serious work of figuring out what is low enough for a mobile baby to get into and damage himself. I'm trying to decide which cabinets should be strictly off-limits and which cabinets I won't mind him getting into, or which cabinets are safe for him to get into.

We've also started covering light-sockets and putting cords in cord protectors.

I'm not much for limiting his movement and his exploration; at this age, exploration is all. He will learn so much about his world by being allowed to be a part of it, rather than closing him away from things in a playpen or behind a gate.

Does this mean we'll never use a baby gate? Probably not. There will be times when I simply cannot devote my attention to him safely, and will need to therefore put him somewhere safe from harm. But for the most part, he will be allowed much of the same freedom of movement that we are allowed.

I'm also looking into non-tipping dog water bowls, since our current bowl for the dogs seems to fall down quite nicely with just a little pressure on one edge.

Why all this sudden industry?

Nightmarish November

I haven't written in awhile because I've been writing so much! That sentence will make sense in a moment.

November is National Novel Writing Month. The goal for people who participate in NaNoWriMo is to write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days. It doesn't have to be well written and it doesn't even need to make perfect sense, as long as you can semi-coherantly string thoughts together. I have participated in NaNoWriMo for the last three years, and I was determined not to let a new baby stop me this year.

This means that any spare moment, I have been noveling. This leaves very little time for blogging.

November is also Thanksgiving, and we are having two this year: one with my family here in Oklahoma, and one with Chris' family in South Carolina. Planning a trip with an infant is ranking pretty high on my list of things I don't want to do, so that has been occupying my brain space not eaten up in noveling.

Needless to say, November is turning out to be fairly nightmarish, so I'm giving myself a break from worrying about blogging until December, when I can get into how little I like the commercial, needy, grabby season.

Oblivious

I love how innocently oblivious the baby is to the things that get the rest of us so worked up. Halloween, for example... as far as he's concerned, it's another night to play with his toes, splash in the bath, and get as much nursing as possible in before he falls asleep in my arms.

Thank you for reminding me to take it slow, Jacob, and to not sweat the small stuff.

Teething

I must say, I really don't like teething! I imagine my dislike is nothing comapred to what Jacob's feeling, but it's sufficient to make me very unhappy.

I do, however, love watching my little man chewing on his fingers, his pacifiers, his teething ring... anything he can get in his mouth.

So far, he has four teeth - two front top, two front bottom. Only 16 more to cut through before he has all his milk teeth in. Then he starts losing those and cutting his adult teeth! Oh, joy!

Spirit of Giving

I know it's still early in the year to be thinking about Christmas, but in the spirit of what Christmas SHOULD be about (giving, not receiving) I thought I'd mention two projects that definitely need some Christmas giving: Heifer International and Lantern Projects.

They both offer people the options of making a big donation (i.e. buying a cow for a village or buying a trip to a hospital for a child in Vietnam) or of making a small donation (i.e. buying a share of a cow or buying mosquito netting for one family). Both causes are much more deserving of money than I am of more junk around the house.

When it comes right down to it, I live in luxury. Sure, we have bills that make us bite our nails every month, and sometimes we can't afford to buy the foods we'd prefer to have... but we have a cabinet full of canned goods and dry pastas and cold cereals; we aren't going to starve any time soon. I won't be going to bed hungry. The same can't be said for a lot of people out there.

So in the spirit of giving, I'm encouraging people to ask that instead of people buying you things off your Amazon wishlist, they make a charitable donation and give you a print-out or send you an e-mail to show you what donation they've made. To me, that would be vastly more satisfying than anything I want... even the baby things that I REALLY want for Jacob. *L*

To health - the B smoothie

While full raw may be out of our reach currently, we do ty to incorporate at least one raw smoothie a day. After all, when you have a Vitamix, you ought to use it, right?

Today's smoothie is very B-oriented: bananas, blueberries, and lots of various B vitamins from the avacado and bananas. Not to mention, it's rather beautiful.



It has a very sweet flavor, which is nice; my sweet tooth has been bothering me lately, and the combination of banana and blueberry has definitely taken care of it. If you're interested in trying it out, here's the 'recipe:'

The B-Smoothie

2 ripe bananas
2 ripe avocados
2 handfuls of baby spinach
Approximately 1 cup of frozen blueberries

Blend until smooth.

I look forward to Jacob being old enough to try a wide variety of smoothies, too. Right now, he's much more into breastmilk... although this smoothie did seem like a hit with him, as well as with us:

Making some noise

To keep Jacob always entertained and trying new things, this morning we're trying an experiment in music-making (read that as "noise"). I have two bowls - one metal and one plastic - and a wooden spoon.

I'm about to take him out of his rolling walker and set him on the play mat (which is really just a double-folded comforter, to protect his head when he topples over - he can sit up, just not 100% reliably) and see what happens when I mix a six-month-old infant with some classic noisemaking toys. My guess? He'll chew them all in turn without ever realizing what glorious, cacaphonous sounds he can make from the smashing of them together.

Who says you need to spend money on baby toys?

Information overload

I have been remiss; my updates have become sparse as I try to get myself educated but still be available to Jacob whenever he needs me.

I wish I had known two yeas ago what I know now about child and infant development. I feel like I've become Alice in Wonderland, running as fast as I can just to stay in place. I spend the majority of my "free" time (read that as Jacob-is-napping-or-otherwise-occupied-with-a-caregiver-who-isn't-me) either memorizing ASL signs for common and important things in his world, or studying Montessori theory for the under-three set, or reading about brain development in children and infants. It literally feels a little like information overload.

I wish I had known half of this when I was pregnant. I did a little research into ASL signs, but without a baby to guide me as to what he considered important, I didn't really know what signs to memorize (obviously "milk," which we actually sign when we say "nurse;" and with four dogs, we knew "dog" would be an important sign. but from that point on, it was open to guesswork). And I didn't really know much of anything about Montessori until he was born and I began researching homeschooling alternatives.

Now I have a six-month-old infant who needs constant supervision (sometimes, i can lay him down with a toy - or sit him up with a toy, although that bring falling over into the equation - and leave long enough to have a quick pee or toss a wet diaper into the diaper hamper) and I feel like I waste every day that isn't spent enriching him.

I am a perfectionist to the core, and it irks me to know I could be doing "better" with my son. I know I'm head and shoulders above many parents who use the Cry It Out method, or allow their children to spend hours alone in a playpen, but when I compare myself to parents who are following a truely strong Montessori methodology for their infants, I see that I am lagging behind.

We've only recently introduced a treasure basket for Jacob, and he loves it. He can be happily occupied by a wooden spoon, a set of four metal measuring spoons on a ring, a plastic rice ladle, a rough-textured washcloth, a silk neckscarf, a closed bottle of seseme seeds, and a piece of flannel for up to half an hour, and I'm already making efforts to remove the items he finds not-as-interesting and am looking for things to replace them to keep his learning progressing. But I feel like I should've introduced this a month ago, when he first started being able to sit up on his own.

He's started drinking water out of a small espresso cup, which he holds rather well by himself. He can manage two or three sips before he decides he needs to see the bottom of the cup and spills the contents all over himself (which i don't mind at all - i WANT him to know that cups spill, so he'll take care when he has more coordination and i give him cups to drink out of at mealtimes). People keep telling me that I should get a sippy cup - I don't HAVE to put the lid on. But why give him a huge, garish cup when we have perfectly pretty and completely unused espresso cups? I won't let him have it all by himself with no supervision, so we limit the danger of him breaking it.

But these feel like tiny steps compared to what I'd LIKE to be doing for him. Chris and I remind ourselves that we can have more for our next one... but isn't that slight to THIS one? Maybe not, if we know we WOULD provide the best, if we COULD.

All the learning and doing, though, has left me in a permanent state of information overload, part of why I haven't updated in so long. The easiest way for me to process information is though word-vomit: I take what I've learned and sort of let it all go in one big BLAH, hence this entry. I knew when I did update, it would be lengthy and possibly incomprehensible to anyone who isn't me. But let it be known that the family is well, the baby is amazing, and I will try to update with more regularity as we make this journey through life.

Uncooked

Chris is talking seriously again about us switching to a raw diet, or a mostly raw diet. I know personally I had a lot more energy and felt better in general when I was eating less cooked and more raw foods, but it intimidates me. The idea of giving up all the things I like so much, and condemning myself to a life of mostly fruits and vegetables and nuts?

I mean, I'm already halfway down that path, thanks to Jacob's dairy allergy. Most of the things I like, I can't eat anymore, which has left me scrambling to fill that gap. One of the easiest, least expensive, and healthiest ways to do so is to start eating more vegetables and fruits, since I can be pretty darn sure those are dairy-free.

But, like I said, it's intimidating, the idea that I will be passing up a lot of the things I love so much.

I guess we'll see how it goes this time around.

Public flirtation

While out grocery shopping this evening, the woman behind us in line became very taken with Jacob (who was sitting in the cart propped on either side with my purse and the diaper bag, since he has yet to master sitting up). Through the course of her cooing and awwing, she delivered a phrase I have never before heard and that tickled me immensely.

"I could put you on a plate and sop you up with a biscuit!"

I had to do a mental reset as I tried to figure out where that had come from - it was nothing I'd ever heard before.

But I've decided I like it. It's ridiculous and cute... better than "I could eat you with a spoon" because somehow the mental imagery of jabbing at a baby with a spoon disturbs me (whereas laying them on a plate and rubbing a biscuit on them is slightly less disturbing).

There's not helping it - my son is na inveterate flirt. No matter where we go, he smiles and flirts with complete strangers. I keep getting warnings that he'll hit his shy stage any day now... I will believe it when I see it.

Temptation

Although I am aware that Jacob is extra-sensitive to dairy, I couldn't resist one of my favorite treats: frozen yoghurt with live cultures. It is delicious and healthy, as compared to other things I could eat. I figured one bowl wouldn't be a problem.

Unfortunately, dairy is apparently a slippery slope for me. The next evening, I had two slices of cheese pizza because I just love pizza and it was only two slices - what could it hurt?

Of course, that same evening I noticed the baby seemed a little fussier and harder to settle than normal. I passed it off; babies are sometimes fussy and why should I worry about it?

But then the next day, he was in absolute misery. Fussing continuously, this low-level "eeeh! uuuh! eeeuuuh!" over and over and over until I thought I'd go mad with it. Occasionally it would escalate into crying and screaming, sometimes the pitch would go way up into this awful squeal of pain. Nothing I did helped - nursing, rocking, humming, walking with him in my arms, petting his back, rubbing his belly, changing his diaper... he was obviously in discomfort bordering on pain, and nothing could stop it.

It went on all day, and that evening I noticed his poor bottom was bright, BRIGHT red. And then he started having trouble breathing when he was laying on his back. He'd suddenly gasp and gag and wheeze, and if we didn't sit him up quickly, he started gagging and crying.

Today has been better... it's been over 48 hours since I ate dairy, and while he occasionally whimpers, his stomach seems to feel better overall and his bottom isn't quite so horribly red.

I suppose temptation is meant to be resisted. I think now my ability to say 'no' will be better - I need only remember the last two awful days and how miserable the baby has been.

Family visits

I've gotten up-dates from both the women I've donated breastmilk to, and their babies are both growing and thriving. It's so satisfying to me to know that I can help, that the milk I pump every day is doing some good for babies out there who otherwise would've been fed formula.

It looks like I'll be getting a visit from the mother-in-law in about a week... I'm looking forward to it with excitement and trepidation. Excitement because obviously I like getting to know my family members more, and trepidation because I am the type who feels like I MUST hostess, and I can't think of how to keep her entertained while she's here and Chris is at work!

I suppose I'll just have to take it one day at a time. If all else fails, I'll just hand her her grandson.

Cheese-less

Things I never thought I'd have to deal with in my life... blood in the baby's poop. For one, I never thought I'd have children. Having had one, I never thought I'd have to endure something as shocking and disturbing as blood in his stool. Well, surprise, life says.

Until we can get a stool sample to take to a lab and then get the results back, I am having to go dairy- and egg-free. This is hard for me, because I have two big addictions in my life: cheese and chocolate. Even when contemplating living a healthier life, I always said I would do anything but give up cheese and chocolate. Well, now I'm having to face exactly what I swore I'd never do.

I'm researching dairy-free alternatives to cheese... and cringing. I'm not much a fan of soy-based products. I suppose, though, if I want to eat nachos and sprinkle cheese on my salads, I'll have to suck it up and accept less-than-stellar cheese-like products.

As for chocolate... I tend to prefer darker chocolates anyway, and the blood in his stool has never been shockingly thick, so I think a little dark chocolate now and again won't be a deal breaker.

Here's hoping this clears up soon... and that I find a reasonable (and reasonably tasty) alternative to cheese.

Tiny escapes

I seem to be developing the habit of waking up early in the mornings (7am is early if you don't go to sleep until 1am) and puttering about the house doing unimportant, quiet things for an hour or two. Bowls of cereal, mugs of tea or coffee, and many books accompany me during these quiet hours... and often a breastpump, but that's not so much for the edification of me and more a necessity, so I don't count it as part of my me-time.

While I'm up doing these things, both the boys are asleep in bed, Chris turned to snuggle with the wall and Jacob sprawled as far across the bed as a three-month-old can sprawl (you'd be surprised).

Having a few hours to myself with no one needing me to do anything is so pleasant that I can't seem to break myself of the habit of waking and doing my own thing for several hours, despite the fact that no one with any sense would be getting up at 7am after only getting to sleep at 1am (or sometimes 2 or 3am), not every morning like clockwork. Especially not someone with Systemic Lupus.

But I seem to need this time. It keeps me sane during the day, especially when dealing with the necessity of several crazy dogs, one especially needy baby, and one scatterbrained husband who wouldn't remember shoes if I didn't press the point as he was walking out the door. So I think of the time as me-time that I deserve (or possibly WHEE! time, because that's what I feel like yelling when I get to wander off on my own for any length of time).

Speaking of early mornings and things that don't edify me, I don't appreciate being interrupted by the glorious sound of gagging coming from the trailing edge of the bedsheets, and certainly not in the wee hours of the morning (not the WHEE! hours). Chasing a dog out of the bedroom in absolute silence while still communicating my displeasure and the absolute need for the dog to get into the backyard to finish vomiting is not easy. And, I don't enjoy cleaning vomit off the carpet, not only because it is disgusting but also because it takes away from my me-time by making me be mature and do the necessary things of life again.

Since both my boys are still sleeping comfortably (and since one tiny baby fist is slowly making its way across the bad to invade the two square feet of space I'm sitting in to type on my laptop), I'm going to escape to the kitchen and indulge in hot tea, cold cereal, and a novel.

Growth

Lately, everything has been growing, it feels... both the baby and myself.

I went to the closet the other day, searching for one of my three pairs of nice high heels. I only rarely wear high heels, because I've never managed to find a comfortable pair (which may have less to do with high heels themselves and more to do with the pains of SLE), but on days when I feel like I need a confidence and self-image boost, I reach for the high heels.

Image my annoyance when I found myself the evil stepsister, struggling to squeeze my gargantuan foot into the slipper meant for a princess.

So, I bagged up the majority of my shoes to give to Goodwill. Someone else out there can enjoy my worn-five-times high heels. I suppose I'll have to start rebuilding my shoe collection slooowly. I don't relish the idea - I'm not much of a shopper, and doubly so when I have a three-month-old baby riding on my chest.

I believe that all maternity books should finish with a special chapter on post-partum wardrobe issues. Bigger feet mean your shoes are out the door. The postpartum pudge on your stomach means that even if your jeans still fit your bottom and thighs, you're going to either have to wear maternity jeans for six months or invest in the next size up in jeans and have them hang like a tent. Breastfeeding means that all the shirts that used to hang to the tops of your jeans are now riding up like croptops, showing those wonderful maternity pants and the post-partum pudge off to the world at large.

Why is it the baby's growth is adorable and wonderful, while mine just leads me to contemplate if I can eat an entire gallon of ice cream by myself without being sick?

Sharing nutrition

I've been blessed with an abundance of breastmilk since I first started nursing Jacob. I've been able to pump 2-3oz easily whenever I pumped, and from my reading I've found that 1-2oz is considered 'normal.'

So, when I started getting engorged from overproduction a couple days ago, it occured to me that I might try looking for the group I'd heard of that let mothers donate their breastmilk directly to other mothers in need.

After some searching, I found the Yahoo! group MilkShare. When I posted that I was in central Oklahoma and looking to donate breastmilk, I got four inquiries right off the bat.

I feel guilty that I can't express enough milk to feed all four of the babies that the mothers are seeking milk for, but I am comforting myself with the knowledge that I CAN help one or two, and that eventually the other mothers will find a donor for their babies.

It has made my nursing experiences the last few days much more intense, looking down at my son and feeling so grateful for the ability to nourish him this way, and to know that I am able to help nourish other babies with the best nutrition on earth for them.

If you're a nursing mother with a little extra milk on hand, I definitely encourage you to consider joining MilkShare and offering to give some of your expressed breastmilk to another mom who may be desperate to provide the best for her baby but be unable to do so on her own.

I'm going to go nurse my son to sleep now. Thank God for being such an effective "milk cow."

Conversations

It is so rewarding seeing Chris blossom as he gets to know his son. I love watching their little conversations with each other, the two of them getting to know one another through squeals and smiles.

Too big, it would seem

Jacob is outgrowing his changing table. Sometimes, when I lay him down, it's an effort to find a place to put his head without getting his feet tangled in the wipes warmer and the handkerchief of corn starch (we powder his bottom with that, whenever we do powder).

Aren't these tables supposed to be good up until toddler-hood? He's only ten weeks old!



I suppose it's a good thing we're doing EC and don't have to change diapers that often... because I don't know how much longer we'll be able to squeeze the baby onto the table!

Getting it done

One nice thing about being a mother, I've discovered, is that even when I feel completely exhausted or utterly lazy, I can get things done because they need to be gotten done. I can't put off doing the diaper laundry simply because I'd rather sit on the couch and read - we have to have something to put on his bottom if we're not planning on being super-vigilant and concentrating 100% on EC.

That's not to say I don't take it easy. I am still enjoying spending lots of uninterrupted time with Jacob, getting to know his unique personality. I am finding that he has a wonderfully horrible combination of both my and Chris' bull-headedness. When he doesn't want something, he fights it with every ounce of strength in his tiny body. And if he DOES want something, he goes for it whole-heartedly.

I am glad we'll be working on doing both Montessori and unschooling with him, because I think in a traditional educational setting, he'd be a nightmare child.

Thinking over what I've written so far, I am vaguely amazed at myself. My goal was never to be a stay-at-home mom. I'd never made a strong and fast goal, other than being published someday, but I had always assumed worked out of the house would be in my future. Chris and I both intend for me to do a little part-time work once Jacob is around five to six months old, but we are both very aware that it will be extremely part-time - probably not even 20hr a week - and that once I get hugely pregnant with our second, I will be leaving work probably for the forseeable future.

With any luck, I will be able to write from home at that point, but I won't expect that outcome. He and I just know that we want the absolute best for our kids, and the absolute best is mommy being at home and accessable to them. And somehow, I'm okay with that future. Interesting how things change, isn't it?

Pure cream

I know Jacob was growing by leaps and bounds, but today I've found out that my breasts apparently produce pure double-Devon clotted cream. My nine-week-old son weighed in at 17lb 3oz and is 25 1/4" long at his two-month Well Baby Check today.

On the one hand, I'm delighted that my son is growing so well and thriving. On the other hand, I'm a little saddened that he isn't staying a "tiny newborn" for very long.

Jacob also got two vaccinations today. So far, he has had a minimal reaction... been a bit fussy, but mostly he's spent the day sleeping, waking to nurse and have a cuddle then drift back to sleep.

I know a lot of "crunchy" parents forgo vaccinations, and I debated it... but I honestly feel the danger of vaccinations is minimal compared to the dangers of him getting a disease and not being able to fight it off. Plus, due to my SLE, if he has a rather nasty infection, I may not be able to care for him as well as I'd like. And even though we're not planning on using public school now, that might change as he gets older, and I'd like him to be protected before spending time with what I lovingly call "tiny germ factories."

I did concede to a more drawn-out vaccination schedule; we're using Dr. Sears' schedule in the hopes that it will minimize the stress on his system, not having so many vaccinations grouped together.

Amazing how many choices we have to make as parents, so many roads we aren't sure are the right road, or even a good road, let alone 'right' or 'wrong.' If this job weren't one of the most rewarding possible, no one would do it.

Getting older, unavoidably

It hit me today that Jacob is over two months old now. It shocked me; I still remember his birth and the aftermath as if it were only a week or two ago. Now I look at him and I see a round, happy, strong little guy who's learning how to roll over and can hold his head up with very little assistance.

I always noticed the passage of time as sort of a dim sidebar. I'd look at myself in the mirror and not see a 13-year-old girl anymore, and be vaguely surprised, as if at 26 I was still expecting lingering baby-fat and a bad perm.

Now, I mark the passage of time in leaps of baby development. He went from a studious, serious, staring baby to one who interacts and coos, smiles and shouts in joy. He's doubled his birthweight in only two months, and has grown so long that it's hard to hold him against my chest without his feet kicking me in the upper thighs.

Time is zooming past now, while at the same time going as slowly as a leaf drifting earthward. It's amazing. From day to day, he gains new abilities... but every hour goes by so slowly as I potty him, change him when I miss a pee, nurse him, hold him while he sleeps, or just talk with him and dodge his waving hands and pistoning legs.

I never knew becoming a mommy would mean so much to me, especially since I've always found other people's children to be annoying and distasteful. Suddenly, I have my own and he captivates me more than the best book. How did this happen? I have become a planet, circling my own tiny sun.

Early-morning productivity

I think my body is going through some weird change right now. We went to sleep around 3am last night, and I woke up at 4:30am to feed Jacob (who was fussing, and had been asleep for nearly three hours because he has sense) and then woke up again at 5:30am, feeling like I wanted to get up and do things.

Now, obviously, the two and a half hours of very interrupted sleep I got was not nearly enough, and yet I still found myself wanting to get up so I could finish working on the wrap I'm making. I've never serged/overstitched an edge before, and my mind kept insisting that 5:30am was a wonderful time to practice - both the husband and the baby were asleep, so no one would need my help or attention! Of course, the idea was patently ridiculous and I forced myself back to sleep.

I must admit, my sewing leaves a lot to be desired. I made two waterproof baby pads to put under Jacob during our daytime naps. I somehow haven't worked up the courage for him to be completely diaper-free during the night, probably because I wouldn't actually get good sleep worrying that he was going to roll off the pad onto the bed and pee all over me. I don't mind sacrificing good sleep during our shared nap, though, because I know how much more comfortable he is without a diaper on. He sleeps longer and much more restfully. Nobody ever said EC would be easy.

I was up again around 9am to potty and feed Jacob, and once I'd gotten him back to sleep, I couldn't seem to relax so I got up and baked.

It seems like I've been doing a lot of baking lately... all pastries and desserts. I've been abusing the Sweet Muffin recipe again, but it takes it so well. It's really more of a base recipe, something I can build on to make a variety of different muffins, but it's such a delicious base that I forgive it.

I ended up making blueberry muffins and chocolate chip muffins. I know they'll be gone in a day or two, so I suppose I should start researching something else to make. I've done chocolate chip cookies and muffins to death lately - maybe it's time to research a good scone? Or be truly brave and try make cinnamon rolls? Everyone is going to be big as houses around here if I don't start baking something a little bit healthier.

I've been breaking out in itchy red welts the last day or so... could I be this hyperactive because I have too much histamine? I mean, if antihistamines make me exhausted, would histamine crank me up? Is that question completely silly?

I have been missing my novels more and more lately. It's been at least three months since I was able to work on one. I suppose I could work while the baby sleeps, but blogging seems much more baby-nap applicable. I don't feel as bad leaving a chunk of thoughts unfinished when they're just rambling, and not an organized story.

Speaking of sleeping babies, Jacob is starting to stir and grumble next to me on the bed; he is probably ready to have a potty and nurse again.