Information overload

I have been remiss; my updates have become sparse as I try to get myself educated but still be available to Jacob whenever he needs me.

I wish I had known two yeas ago what I know now about child and infant development. I feel like I've become Alice in Wonderland, running as fast as I can just to stay in place. I spend the majority of my "free" time (read that as Jacob-is-napping-or-otherwise-occupied-with-a-caregiver-who-isn't-me) either memorizing ASL signs for common and important things in his world, or studying Montessori theory for the under-three set, or reading about brain development in children and infants. It literally feels a little like information overload.

I wish I had known half of this when I was pregnant. I did a little research into ASL signs, but without a baby to guide me as to what he considered important, I didn't really know what signs to memorize (obviously "milk," which we actually sign when we say "nurse;" and with four dogs, we knew "dog" would be an important sign. but from that point on, it was open to guesswork). And I didn't really know much of anything about Montessori until he was born and I began researching homeschooling alternatives.

Now I have a six-month-old infant who needs constant supervision (sometimes, i can lay him down with a toy - or sit him up with a toy, although that bring falling over into the equation - and leave long enough to have a quick pee or toss a wet diaper into the diaper hamper) and I feel like I waste every day that isn't spent enriching him.

I am a perfectionist to the core, and it irks me to know I could be doing "better" with my son. I know I'm head and shoulders above many parents who use the Cry It Out method, or allow their children to spend hours alone in a playpen, but when I compare myself to parents who are following a truely strong Montessori methodology for their infants, I see that I am lagging behind.

We've only recently introduced a treasure basket for Jacob, and he loves it. He can be happily occupied by a wooden spoon, a set of four metal measuring spoons on a ring, a plastic rice ladle, a rough-textured washcloth, a silk neckscarf, a closed bottle of seseme seeds, and a piece of flannel for up to half an hour, and I'm already making efforts to remove the items he finds not-as-interesting and am looking for things to replace them to keep his learning progressing. But I feel like I should've introduced this a month ago, when he first started being able to sit up on his own.

He's started drinking water out of a small espresso cup, which he holds rather well by himself. He can manage two or three sips before he decides he needs to see the bottom of the cup and spills the contents all over himself (which i don't mind at all - i WANT him to know that cups spill, so he'll take care when he has more coordination and i give him cups to drink out of at mealtimes). People keep telling me that I should get a sippy cup - I don't HAVE to put the lid on. But why give him a huge, garish cup when we have perfectly pretty and completely unused espresso cups? I won't let him have it all by himself with no supervision, so we limit the danger of him breaking it.

But these feel like tiny steps compared to what I'd LIKE to be doing for him. Chris and I remind ourselves that we can have more for our next one... but isn't that slight to THIS one? Maybe not, if we know we WOULD provide the best, if we COULD.

All the learning and doing, though, has left me in a permanent state of information overload, part of why I haven't updated in so long. The easiest way for me to process information is though word-vomit: I take what I've learned and sort of let it all go in one big BLAH, hence this entry. I knew when I did update, it would be lengthy and possibly incomprehensible to anyone who isn't me. But let it be known that the family is well, the baby is amazing, and I will try to update with more regularity as we make this journey through life.